inthebiblicalsense | TLV IC Inbox

When I am tired.

[surprise, he's an insomniac]

I will adjust my schedule to fit yours.

[Abel is quiet a moment, considering before a few different pieces come into place that he'd not given much attention to.

He'd given himself a nonactive role in this conversation because he felt like that was what was required of him, to prove to Alexei that it was fine, and yet? He doesn't want to continue to have these misunderstandings and sit on things like he has been. He needs to be better about communication. He does. They both do. He takes in a deep breath, holds that pillow and looks across at Alexei.]

Can I- I'm not upset about Florian, I want to be clear on that, but I realize I'm trying to bully myself into being more fine with this conversation than I actually am... and not saying something is a disservice to both of us in trying to be better at communication.

[And there it is.

He should have known Abel seemed way too fine about everything he was saying. Still, Alexei is determined that he is not going to make a repeat of the first time, if only because he's entirely exhausted of stretching his emotional capacity to its absolute limit while having no control over the situations he's being put into.]

All right.

[Still pointedly calm, he makes a small gesture for the other man to continue.]

[That pointed calm feels strange, and perhaps it's just a departure from how things used to be but it's making him frustrated in a way he knows it shouldn't.

He's not going to get worked up, he's calm, this is fine.]

When we talked about this last time, I said let me know if things changed, and you did...but- [He frowns, staring into his lap.]

I was very clear that I didn't say anything to Norton until I talked to you about it, because It felt disrespectful. And I know I fucked all of that up, but we've been through this, I acknowledged my mistakes, I apologized for them and I've been trying to fix what I broke.

So when you start this conversation and...essentially do the same thing, but also don't even let me know before Florian does, that feels...deliberate, intentional and m-maybe it's because of how I've felt in the past, like I'm always the last to know, but...I don't like that. It feels isolating, or like I'm an after thought.

And I understand that probably wasn't your intention, but that's how it feels all the same.

[He takes a moment. Presses down the immediate annoyance that bubbles up with the suspicion that Abel had not been listening beyond what he needed to hear to get his own feelings bruised.

There's a soft breath, in, then out.]

I told you that I was going to break things off with him. Even if that isn't how things went, why would I come to you first to talk about that when you would have told me not to, and that would have been the last thing I wanted to hear.

[He's not looking at Abel directly, rather focusing on something on the other side of the room.]

I spoke to him an hour ago and then came straight here. No middle men, no taking my time to figure out how I was gonna say it. Things changed in a way I didn't expect them to and I told you, immediately. Thinking I'd do it this way because I was deliberately trying to get back at you is— [His voice goes a little tense. He forces it back.]

That isn't fair.

I never said it was entirely rational, how I'm feeling. And I don't- [His frown pulls down even more as he tries to work through what he wants to say.]

I'm not accusing you, I'm not asking for you to defend yourself, I just...didn't want these feelings to fester. And while I appreciate the explanation, it doesn't change how I'm feeling?

I am dealing with who you were before, and who you are now, and there are some left overs hanging around that I haven't healed yet. But leaving it unsaid, letting you feel like everything is fine and swallowing it? That's what isn't fair.

I don't want to continue to tell myself I have to walk on eggshells around you, because I don't have to do that. I can be honest, and so can you and it doesn't have to be whose assigning guilt or blame, it's just...open communication, checking in...

I told you because I trust you. Not because I wanted to hurt you or that I needed an apology.

[There's so much he could say here that he doesn't, that he decides to bite his tongue on, because it wouldn't be helpful here and would only cause the very fight he's determinedly avoiding. He will not do that right now.

He might have to actually thank Wu Xin for those meditation tips. Damn it.]

Okay then.

[And he nods, eases the tension out of his shoulders, and unclenches the hands he didn't realise he'd curled into fists against his thighs.]

I get it. I'm not angry or anything.

[There is some lingering thoughts, he caught that talking to Florian was more helpful than going to him about it, but he understands that. He doesn't have to question that different people give you different things and that's fine.

He does see that Alexei seems to be holding himself back, can see the tension bleed from him.]

No, but you're still tense. Is it because you were feeling the need to defend yourself or was it something I said?

Both.

[The word comes out easily enough with the last tension leaving as he drops his shoulders and tips his head back a little.]

The last month has been a fucking shitshow, Ethan. If this ended up with us fighting too I was gonna fucking snap.

You're being incredibly accommodating.

Can I ask why?

[It hasn't been a good time, he knows that. He's still not himself either and trying to come up with strategies, worried he's going to make some other mistake because he can't find a way out that doesn't end in failure.]

Well, I don't want to fight you. I love you, and I'm rather tired myself. But if you have things to say, I want you to say them. If not to me then to someone.

I am normally accommodating to requests from superiors.

Apart from the ones I believe will be more beneficial for the group as a whole, of course.

Edited 2025-02-28 15:58 (UTC)

Well, can I ask that you ignore our roles if we are going to be participating in a purely personal and self-indulgent project?

If I'm tinkering for fun, what role I fill on board has nothing to do with it aside from the fact that I didn't need to ask anyone's help to get into the enclosure.

Perhaps.

When would you like to proceed?

[And the circle begins anew.]

I am available most evenings. Some mornings, depending on the gym schedule, but I'm flexible.

What I would like to know is when you would be interested, Thrawn. I want to make time for you.

[welcome to frustrating small talk, the series]

I have explained that I have been pulled off all projects and can only take what is assigned to me. Maintenance is in remarkably decent shape now, so I have an abundance of time to give.

Would this evening suffice?

[There is a difference between willingness and availability, Thrawn. What ever. That's good enough.]

After dinner sounds perfect. Thank you.

Very well. I will meet you at the door of the Enclosure.

I'll be there.

[And be there he is, wearing something a little closer to what he might have back home, the white, boxy tank top is as close to his regulation undershirt as he could possibly get, the slacks and boots a little less so, but there was an effort made.

He waits outside the enclosure door, scrolling through a list of programmed maintenance simulations on his own data pad, a holoscree tablet and seems to be trying to pick one while he waits for Thrawn.]

Rawne notices who's around the gym when he goes and he goes most days. He just usually doesn't talk to people when he's there. Except he sees one guy around who's also been hanging around Norton and he figures he should probably have some kind of conversation with the guy. Any friend of Norton's could be a friend of his.

So he goes over when he sees him taking a break and says, "You're Abel, right?"

Abel looks up from his spot at the front of the gym, a folding chair with a cushion, leg crossed and holding a textbook. Breaks are for reading, obviously.

He recognizes Rawne easily, the tattoo there had been the first identified Norton had mentioned. And of course it helped that he was hot. Why wouldn't he be if Norton liked him?

"Correct. And your Rawne?" He already knows the answer, but it's only polite to let him know that he at least knows of him.

"That's me." He flops in the chair next to him and takes a long drink from his water bottle. "I'm assuming Norton told you about me?"

The question gives him pause, staring at the other man a moment before he nods, slowly. Perhaps it's the fact that Alexei had just presented him with Florian as a second the other day that he isn't sure what Rawne might want, but he is a little tense.

"He did. A few times, actually." He wonders if Norton had mentioned him right on back, isn't sure that he would.

"Good things, I hope." Norton has mentioned Abel vaguely, in passing. Not enough for Rawne to know much about him. Or to know what he thinks of what Norton might have said about him.

Abel thinks that Norton felt it was praise, though it had been building a suspicion about Rawne that is not appropriate to bring up at work. Nor is he planning on mentioning it until he's confirmed it himself. He can give him the benefit of the doubt that he can change and grow just like anyone else on board.

"He likes you. I can't say any of it was meant to be taken poorly."

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