His brow twitches when he hears Bering's name. Now that name is one he's only told to one other person. Bering is a whole other issue and not one he's even begun to look at too closely yet.

"I don't feel guilty. I'm pissed off that I'm here," Yes, still. "But that's nothing to do with this."

He rolls his shoulders and straightens up. Tries to look nonchalant. Fails entirely.

"Everything I did with that name stuck to me was just—" Awful. Most of it, to be honest. Restless, he gets up and takes a few steps away, rubbing a hand through the back of his hair. "And it's just something linking me to him. Fucking Bering. I'm not—"

He makes an aggravated noise, an almost-growl in the back of his throat and pushes his other hand up, linking both of them behind his head. Cain breathes in, then out, then turns around to walk back and sit on the bed again. He moves his hands to his lap.

"... I just wanna be myself again, Ethan. But I don't know if I even deserve to be that person."