Abel (Ethan Lamaire) (
inthebiblicalsense) wrote2024-09-23 01:30 am
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[In a very serious, business tone, Abel's answering machine sounds after any attempted calls that aren't responded to right away.]
You've reached Abel. I am not available at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If this is urgent, leave the line open.
And if this is Fitz I hope you're having a good day.
You've reached Abel. I am not available at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If this is urgent, leave the line open.
And if this is Fitz I hope you're having a good day.
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"Ethan, Jesus—" His arm props against the back of the couch and he leans into it.
"You can't always assume that I'm having an emotional response to something you did wrong. Sometimes I'm just... feeling a way about something in the moment, you know?" He scuffs his hand lightly against his hair.
"Putting shit like that on yourself every time isn't fair on you. Or me."
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"I'm trying to be more mindful, but finding a happy medium between not enough and too much is a process." His hand slides up his leg, gently gripping his thigh, "I know it's probably going to be irritating, but I'm asking to learn, not because Im trying to torture myself, or make you feel bad."
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He grips the hand squeezing his thigh, holding it there with a bit of a warning look. That's a distraction, sir.
"Okay, lemme put it like this." Alexei pauses a moment, considering his words. "If I don't explain something it isn't because I don't want to, or because you pissed me off. Remember— remember how you said you wished you'd brought notes? Sometimes... I don't have the words I'd need right away."
He moves his hand out of his own hair to brush it over Abel's.
"... You want me to let you in, right? Well, sometimes I need a few minutes to get the door unlocked." His lips twitch in distant amusement. "I've been looking out for myself for a long time, sunshine, because no one else was. I'm still trying to figure my shit out as well."
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"I can accept that." Though that doesn't mean it makes it easier. "I just am sensitive to it, I guess. When you're upset, and I haven't been great about reacting to that lately. I don't want you to think I'm not trying."
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"It's difficult for me, sometimes," he says carefully. "To expect that kind of consideration from you. To feel like I deserve it, or that it's not hypocritical of me to want to be treated well."
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"Well, I'd like to help with that, because you do deserve it. Is there a different way I can approach this than I have been, that will make it easier for you?"
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"No. It's not you. It's me, knowing everything I put you through... It's something I have to figure out myself." Being sorry, trying to be better, it doesn't change what already happened. "If I could take it all back, I would."
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"I'm told that what ifs will drive you crazy, or wishing you had done things differently." He looks down at his lap, Cain's legs across it, "if it hadn't been you assigned to me, I would have been a part of the project anyways. Cook singled me out long before they recruited you, but I'm glad it was you..." He wouldn't be sitting here now if it hadn't been.
"Don't regret all of it. You weren't so bad yourself, when you started seeing me as a person. And I could tell when it changed, I just didn't know what that meant at the time."
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"Yeah? You're not so bad either."
He ruffles his hand against the front of Abel's hair.
"Like I said, it's something I have to figure out. You're already doing enough."
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"Good talk. No one cried and we didn't even yell at each other."
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"Well, yeah. I'm not a completely unreasonable asshole."
Despite what some people might say.
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"I hope that's what someone writes about me under my name in that book. 'He's not a completely unreasonable asshole'. Middle of the road expectations are so much easier to live up to."
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He's teasing. Mostly. Abel's done him the courtesy of not writing in his ledger without permission so he won't write anything about him either. Not that it's stopped him from writing things about other people.
"Depends how you want to calculate the risk."
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"...if you did, and someone added something, would you tell me what it said?" He isn't sure that is so terrible, the idea of knowing if he messed up horribly if someone wasn't going to say it to his face. "I doubt people sign their name after their hot takes, but I'd like to know what people thought of me if it was there."
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Or, when it's Blitzø, because he's doodled cocks and crude drawings of horses around his entries.
"But yeah, if I saw anything? I could tell you." And only because it's Ethan. He isn't sure he'd do the same if anyone else asked.
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"If you feel like it between what ever you're drinking down there, go ahead. It'd be kind of funny, honestly."
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Maybe he will, maybe he won't... he'll have to think about it, knowing he'll have his own reactions if he sees someone talking shit about Abel when he might have been the one to draw their attention.
"The drinks aren't too bad. Especially not now Blitz knows he's supposed to cut the Everclear."
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He shifts a little, settling Cain's legs in his lap a little better, resting his head back against the couch. "Everclear cut with anything still doesn't sound appealing, ans I hope Blitz knows if he kills you with alcohol poisoning I'm going to smack him, and not in the fun way."
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He does not blame Blitzø for this and they both learned a lesson from it. Alexei makes himself comfortable as well, leaning against the back of the couch.
"The hangover was brutal. I thought my brain was gonna leak out of my ears."
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"For future reference, if you ask Aerith nicely, she has a hang over cure spell. It's for poisoning, but apparently it's affective."
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Unlikely. Any comparison to the Everclear Hangover makes subsequent ones feel like a mild headache. He'd almost felt like he was dying.
"... You know she's the first one here I told my name to? She asked who I was and I just fucking... blurted it out."
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"She's like that. Zero judgement..." His hand slowly slips down, finding it's way under his shirt, just to touch, "her enthusiasm is infectious. She and I drink coffee some days, just...watch the SOLDIER do their workout. She calls it hydration club. I don't think I would have admitted to anyone else the first time I met them that I'd be interested in something like that." He laughs, shaking his head, "I don't think her mind wanders the same way mine does, but she definitely does have a good eye."
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"Now I've used materia, some of my friends are demons and aliens and vampires and fuck knows what, and John is—... something else."
Then he prods his fingers gently against Abel's ribs.
"And you're terrible."
#affectionate
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"An out of this world kisser, with beautiful eyes."
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Too sweet and naive by far for Alexei to find him attractive in any kind of sexual way. John had slotted firmly into 'found family' rather quickly, starting with not being at all angry that he got stabbed.
"He showed me what he looks like. You know, when he isn't human-shaped."
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