inthebiblicalsense | TLV IC Inbox

He scrunches his nose up a bit.

"Ethan, Jesus—" His arm props against the back of the couch and he leans into it.

"You can't always assume that I'm having an emotional response to something you did wrong. Sometimes I'm just... feeling a way about something in the moment, you know?" He scuffs his hand lightly against his hair.

"Putting shit like that on yourself every time isn't fair on you. Or me."

"How am I supposed to know the difference when you react immediately after I've done something?" He did ask, and the answer didn't exactly clarify what he was feeling, just that he wanted him to read.

"I'm trying to be more mindful, but finding a happy medium between not enough and too much is a process." His hand slides up his leg, gently gripping his thigh, "I know it's probably going to be irritating, but I'm asking to learn, not because Im trying to torture myself, or make you feel bad."

... Squirm.

He grips the hand squeezing his thigh, holding it there with a bit of a warning look. That's a distraction, sir.

"Okay, lemme put it like this." Alexei pauses a moment, considering his words. "If I don't explain something it isn't because I don't want to, or because you pissed me off. Remember— remember how you said you wished you'd brought notes? Sometimes... I don't have the words I'd need right away."

He moves his hand out of his own hair to brush it over Abel's.

"... You want me to let you in, right? Well, sometimes I need a few minutes to get the door unlocked." His lips twitch in distant amusement. "I've been looking out for myself for a long time, sunshine, because no one else was. I'm still trying to figure my shit out as well."

Abel doesn't move that hand, he's holding him for grounding purposes, not for distracting, but he can feel that way if he wants to.

"I can accept that." Though that doesn't mean it makes it easier. "I just am sensitive to it, I guess. When you're upset, and I haven't been great about reacting to that lately. I don't want you to think I'm not trying."

Well, he won't sit there and say Abel's been doing a fine job of most things relating to him - and them - lately. So he just lets that hang for a moment before pressing his lips together slightly.

"It's difficult for me, sometimes," he says carefully. "To expect that kind of consideration from you. To feel like I deserve it, or that it's not hypocritical of me to want to be treated well."

That hand at his thigh shifts up, taking Cains hand with it and settles on his stomach, gently touching, thumb brushing against him through his shirt.

"Well, I'd like to help with that, because you do deserve it. Is there a different way I can approach this than I have been, that will make it easier for you?"

He just gives a small shake of his head.

"No. It's not you. It's me, knowing everything I put you through... It's something I have to figure out myself." Being sorry, trying to be better, it doesn't change what already happened. "If I could take it all back, I would."

He hadn't said it was him, just that perhaps his approach is off in the way that he's reaching out to him that doesn't settle the negative feelings.

"I'm told that what ifs will drive you crazy, or wishing you had done things differently." He looks down at his lap, Cain's legs across it, "if it hadn't been you assigned to me, I would have been a part of the project anyways. Cook singled me out long before they recruited you, but I'm glad it was you..." He wouldn't be sitting here now if it hadn't been.

"Don't regret all of it. You weren't so bad yourself, when you started seeing me as a person. And I could tell when it changed, I just didn't know what that meant at the time."

A little snort escapes him.

"Yeah? You're not so bad either."

He ruffles his hand against the front of Abel's hair.

"Like I said, it's something I have to figure out. You're already doing enough."

"I will be if you mess up my hair," he teases, splaying his fingers across his stomach and awkwardly leaning just far enough to kiss his nose.

"Good talk. No one cried and we didn't even yell at each other."

As Abel pulls back from him he chases the movement, pecking a quick kiss against his lips.

"Well, yeah. I'm not a completely unreasonable asshole."

Despite what some people might say.

That gets a soft snort out of him, patting Cain with his hand while fixing his hair with the other.

"I hope that's what someone writes about me under my name in that book. 'He's not a completely unreasonable asshole'. Middle of the road expectations are so much easier to live up to."

"Hmm, I could write that in for you, but seeing your name might prompt other opinions."

He's teasing. Mostly. Abel's done him the courtesy of not writing in his ledger without permission so he won't write anything about him either. Not that it's stopped him from writing things about other people.

"Depends how you want to calculate the risk."

Abel actually considers it a moment, gently worrying his scar with his teeth.

"...if you did, and someone added something, would you tell me what it said?" He isn't sure that is so terrible, the idea of knowing if he messed up horribly if someone wasn't going to say it to his face. "I doubt people sign their name after their hot takes, but I'd like to know what people thought of me if it was there."

"Sometimes you can recognise the writing, or how people say things."

Or, when it's Blitzø, because he's doodled cocks and crude drawings of horses around his entries.

"But yeah, if I saw anything? I could tell you." And only because it's Ethan. He isn't sure he'd do the same if anyone else asked.

"Mmm. Just what is said is fine. I don't need to know who said it." He's already asked Cain if he wanted the same about his Ledger so he won't ask again, assuming the answer hasn't changed.

"If you feel like it between what ever you're drinking down there, go ahead. It'd be kind of funny, honestly."

"Mm, only if you're sure."

Maybe he will, maybe he won't... he'll have to think about it, knowing he'll have his own reactions if he sees someone talking shit about Abel when he might have been the one to draw their attention.

"The drinks aren't too bad. Especially not now Blitz knows he's supposed to cut the Everclear."

"I'd like to think I haven't done anything so terrible as to attract so much negative attention."

He shifts a little, settling Cain's legs in his lap a little better, resting his head back against the couch. "Everclear cut with anything still doesn't sound appealing, ans I hope Blitz knows if he kills you with alcohol poisoning I'm going to smack him, and not in the fun way."

"He tried real hard once, not long after I got here. I was too wrapped up in my own head to realise I was drinking almost pure fucking ethanol for three shots."

He does not blame Blitzø for this and they both learned a lesson from it. Alexei makes himself comfortable as well, leaning against the back of the couch.

"The hangover was brutal. I thought my brain was gonna leak out of my ears."

The hang over he'd had after New Years had been the absolute worse, but he certainly wasn't drinking that. He'd dragged himself out of bed the next morning and felt miserable at work.

"For future reference, if you ask Aerith nicely, she has a hang over cure spell. It's for poisoning, but apparently it's affective."

"Heh, I barely knew Aerith then." He just shakes his head slightly. "And a hangover's just part of natural consequences. I'll remember though, if I get one I can't handle."

Unlikely. Any comparison to the Everclear Hangover makes subsequent ones feel like a mild headache. He'd almost felt like he was dying.

"... You know she's the first one here I told my name to? She asked who I was and I just fucking... blurted it out."

"Funny how you can practically drink yourself to death with someone you barely know but asking for a cure is too much," he gently teases, pretty sure that he probably had almost died and the hang over would reflect that.

"She's like that. Zero judgement..." His hand slowly slips down, finding it's way under his shirt, just to touch, "her enthusiasm is infectious. She and I drink coffee some days, just...watch the SOLDIER do their workout. She calls it hydration club. I don't think I would have admitted to anyone else the first time I met them that I'd be interested in something like that." He laughs, shaking his head, "I don't think her mind wanders the same way mine does, but she definitely does have a good eye."

"Hey, alcohol was normal. Magic was still fucking weird." He shifts a little again, squirming a bit against the touch under his shirt.

"Now I've used materia, some of my friends are demons and aliens and vampires and fuck knows what, and John is—... something else."

Then he prods his fingers gently against Abel's ribs.

"And you're terrible."

#affectionate

"Magic is fucking weird." He agrees, still thinks it is despite having used materia himself. "John certainly is something else..." He agrees, though at the prodding of his ribs, he tickles his fingers up Alexei's side in retaliation.

"An out of this world kisser, with beautiful eyes."

"Ugh, don't, he feels like he could be my younger brother."

Too sweet and naive by far for Alexei to find him attractive in any kind of sexual way. John had slotted firmly into 'found family' rather quickly, starting with not being at all angry that he got stabbed.

"He showed me what he looks like. You know, when he isn't human-shaped."

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