inthebiblicalsense | TLV IC Inbox

[So it seems that Fitz was listening to her explanation on regeneration, but that's not what makes her lean forward.]

You know Fitz? Tall, around thirty, looks like his natural state is flirting with people in bars?

[The Doctor is the Doctor, but there are probably other people named Fitz.]

Is responsible for far more Beatles cover bands across the universe than the Beatles themselves?

[It could be no one else.]

He's my best friend, and if we're talking our current state of affairs, I'm his warden. You're that Sam then? He mentioned you a few times, said we were rather similar.

Inflects James Bond impressions on innocent aliens?

[She can joke around with the best of them, but sincerity bleeds through at the confirmation.]

I thought he was dead. [To hear someone else talk about him... for the moment it distracts her from following up on that 'similar'.]

He played me once...I couldn't quite figure out whether it was a flattering impression or not.

[That last comment pulls him from his thoughts about his application to play Fitz in the dramatic reading of his file.]

That's quite complicated, actually. It shouldn't be, but it is.

['Complicated' is normal, but now the hit of 'the Doctor was telling the truth' has faded slightly, there are other words she comes back to:]

What do you mean by 'warden'?

Oh...um, where we are currently, it's a ship that's outside of space and time, at least that's my understanding of it. And an entity that pulls people from a point before or during death and- and freezes that dimension to bring them here. Honestly if you know the Doctor it probably makes more sense to you than it does me. Most of what I've learned just makes me uncomfortable with how...improbable it all is.

But...those he takes from those moments, they're stuck on his ship until they grow, change enough that the entity is satisfied, I hope to their own benefit... like, reform from destructive behavior is how I'd like to think it works, but the Admiral isn't human.

[It feels like excuses though, to justify working for him, but its...complicated as well.]

Anyways, I was scouted to be a warden on board. We're paired with those he brings on board and are essentially supposed to help them through the process, so they can graduate. It's...not what I expected at all seeing as Fitz isn't a fan of the system, though I don't really blame him for that.

[Sam listens carefully to his explanation, frowning.]

When you travel with the Doctor you get used to at least six improbably things before breakfast. And two impossible things after dinner. The universe seemed a lot more normal before I started traveling.

[The ship sounds like a TARDIS, and the abduction sounds like... a lot of aliens she could name. She frowns again, tugging on a strand of hair. It's getting a bit long again.]

I'm not surprised, Fitz isn't a big fan of any system. Neither am I, but my reasons tend to be more political. What counts as 'destructive' behavior?

I traveled in space long before I came on board the Barge, but it made a hell of a lot more logical sense then... now I look around here and nothing makes any sense.

[Abel isn't exactly sure how to answer that though, frowning.] Some of the metrics seem all over the place... given the entity doesn't like transparency there is no real rubric for it, but...Fitz certainly has some problems that I think would definitely push him towards death faster than if he didn't have them.

Not that I can get him to talk about any of it.

Yeah, that sounds like unknown space entities.

[She's not resigned, but they are the words of someone who's run into them before. And, unlike Fitz, takes a less sardonic approach to the weirdness of the universe.]

I know Fitz is a lot more sensitive then he likes to act, or he wouldn't be so... damaged by the world. I wish he'd talk with anyone. If you're his friend, you know he has a good heart. He's a good friend.

If I was here for something less important I'm not sure I would be here at all given the lack of transparency is concerning.

[Which is definitely not something he says casually. In fact it's a little more quiet.]

He is a good friend, even if I think some of his ideas are a little crazy. Or that he'd take some of the advice he gives me.

Really? He usually tries to avoid crazy ideas. It can make him useful to have around.

[She's thinking about his protests against stuff like 'why don't we walk into that alien lair' and 'why not hit that red button' and 'lets go towards the danger'.]

...He does like using fake names for no reason. Except to just make something up. [Fitz is very attached to that. Even when it gets him into trouble.]

I never said he wasn't useful...but he excuses all kinds of terrible or crazy things that happen to him without even taking the time to process it.

It's one thing to just...pretend it never happened but sometimes I feel like he literally erases it from memory because it's easier.

Oh that type of crazy idea.

[She sighs.]

Yeah, I wish he wouldn't try to just erase it. I know why he started, but there's so much more for him now.

I mean, there are plenty of other crazy things he does, but that certainly isn't a healthy coping mechanism.

[But, rather than complain about Fitz's problems, this is a good opportunity to get some advice from someone who had seen Fitz in life rather than his In-between on the Barge.]

So much more- I'm curious what you mean by that.

Counseling. [As she's frequently said to Fitz.]

Talking to anyone would be good, but when awful stuff happens to you while traveling like we did... Sometimes it's hard to talk to the people in close quarters. But there were options.

I wouldn't go to a psychiatrist in his time, and I doubt it would've helped him. But not everywhere is the 1950s. Honestly, he had enough reasons for counseling even before we started traveling together. He's not good at pretending to be OK, but he's great at pretending nothing happened.

Oh god...I mean of course he'd benefit from it if someone was using a modern approach, but the look he would give me if I even suggested... [Cultists and psychiatry man, up there with Fitz's big no's.]

I think he does understand the benefit...he encouraged me to start taking medication for my anxiety. But...he's not good at taking his own advice. Perhaps he doesn't think it will help him personally, but I don't see him showing up for himself like he can for his friends and I can't figure out how to get him to see that and see it as the problem it is.

He hasn't had the best experience, but he refuses to try so he can't get new experiences.

[It can be very frustrating. Sam knows it's partly because she doesn't how not to try as hard as she can. She's old enough to know that she couldn't force him into it, but she can't turn off her concern even if she wanted to. It's kind of nice to talk to someone who seems to get it.]

...Has he ever talked about his mother?

A little, yes. I...admittedly have never really had many friends or a good relationship with my own family so it's a difficult subject to breach.

[He does look a sick thinking about it though, the silences or pieces left out tell a story that makes him both upset and frustrated with a certain Doctor.]

I...I didn't even like my family and I still had the chance to say good bye when I enlisted. It sounded like things went to shit very quickly. You were around for that, weren't you?

Did he ever talk about it again?

I didn't have many friends either. It's not cool to believe in things too strongly. [She still remembers being sixteen and both wanting friends and refusing to back down from what she believed was right. She had held to her convictions, but it had been lonely. The Doctor had let her escape that world and given her a chance to actually change things.

She nods.] I was, though I only met her as herself briefly. Fitz never talked about her, afterwards. I know she loved him very much. [She hesitates. She had gone along with the Doctor because Fitz hadn't asked and she hadn't known him then, but now she's thinking back:] I don't know if he explained that she was taken over by outside forces when she tried to kill him. And then the group almost destroyed the world. But she came back to herself at the very end. Fitz wasn't there for that.

[There is a soft snort, enjoying the feeling of familiarity and sympathy.] I think I'm starting to understand why Fitz might think we're similar.

[Though that humor quickly fades as he frowns off camera.]

I- I guess it doesn't seem fair, all these impossible things happen like you say, and Fitz doesn't even get the chance to see his mother like he knows and loves her before she died.

The Doctor has a god damn time machine, doesn't he? What's the excuse for taking that away from him?

It would've destroyed the world. There are rules to time travel, though I don't know if Fitz remembers them. [Her own flash of humor before growing more serious.]

Even if it was possible... She screamed for him when she died. I'm not sure he'd want that to be his last memory of her.

[Perhaps it's his memory of jumping, the way he'd screamed for Alexei and how he would have died to save him that what she says rubs him the wrong way. It could also be that he's juggling a lot and has been, and it always feel better, having a cause. Believing in someone or something is so incredibly grounding.]

If he could have been there, if she could have said goodbye herself, maybe she wouldn't have screamed. No one would ever know, because apparently that's how that story will always end.

Abel, her brain exploded. Along with her head.

[Fitz likes to skip over blood in his stories, so she's not sure what sort of picture he's painted of their travels.]

[It isn't the violent nature of her death that gets him so much as the idea that sheltering him wasn't his choice.]

Regardless of how she died, it should be his call.

But he didn't get to make that decision, it was taken from him. And I could ask him if he has regrets about that, or if he would have chosen differently if he could have, but I don't think I'll ever know.

Because he has someone else who makes that choice for him, and tells him it was for the best every single time and he believes it.

Do you understand how hard it is to unlearn that?

Edited 2025-04-21 00:59 (UTC)

[Sam doesn't know who Abel might mean. The Doctor hadn't made the choice 'for' Fitz. He had made the choice to save the world. He might tell Sam it was for the best, but that's because she had been there to see it.

Even the Doctor isn't bad enough when it comes to trying to comfort people to tell Fitz it was for the best. Which was lucky, as Fitz already had to deal with enough without having another lost fight on top of it.]

Are you sure we're talking about the same Fitz? He's not really into 'believing'.

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