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[In a very serious, business tone, Abel's answering machine sounds after any attempted calls that aren't responded to right away.]

You've reached Abel. I am not available at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If this is urgent, leave the line open.

And if this is Fitz I hope you're having a good day.

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[There is a soft snort, enjoying the feeling of familiarity and sympathy.] I think I'm starting to understand why Fitz might think we're similar.

[Though that humor quickly fades as he frowns off camera.]

I- I guess it doesn't seem fair, all these impossible things happen like you say, and Fitz doesn't even get the chance to see his mother like he knows and loves her before she died.

The Doctor has a god damn time machine, doesn't he? What's the excuse for taking that away from him?

It would've destroyed the world. There are rules to time travel, though I don't know if Fitz remembers them. [Her own flash of humor before growing more serious.]

Even if it was possible... She screamed for him when she died. I'm not sure he'd want that to be his last memory of her.

[Perhaps it's his memory of jumping, the way he'd screamed for Alexei and how he would have died to save him that what she says rubs him the wrong way. It could also be that he's juggling a lot and has been, and it always feel better, having a cause. Believing in someone or something is so incredibly grounding.]

If he could have been there, if she could have said goodbye herself, maybe she wouldn't have screamed. No one would ever know, because apparently that's how that story will always end.

Abel, her brain exploded. Along with her head.

[Fitz likes to skip over blood in his stories, so she's not sure what sort of picture he's painted of their travels.]

[It isn't the violent nature of her death that gets him so much as the idea that sheltering him wasn't his choice.]

Regardless of how she died, it should be his call.

But he didn't get to make that decision, it was taken from him. And I could ask him if he has regrets about that, or if he would have chosen differently if he could have, but I don't think I'll ever know.

Because he has someone else who makes that choice for him, and tells him it was for the best every single time and he believes it.

Do you understand how hard it is to unlearn that?

Edited 2025-04-21 00:59 (UTC)

[Sam doesn't know who Abel might mean. The Doctor hadn't made the choice 'for' Fitz. He had made the choice to save the world. He might tell Sam it was for the best, but that's because she had been there to see it.

Even the Doctor isn't bad enough when it comes to trying to comfort people to tell Fitz it was for the best. Which was lucky, as Fitz already had to deal with enough without having another lost fight on top of it.]

Are you sure we're talking about the same Fitz? He's not really into 'believing'.

[He'd been completely ready to get into it more when he's abruptly derailed.]

W-what? Of course we are!

He's- his dependency on the Doctor? it's...y-you can't just miss it. He didn't even have to say anything and he's just about as obvious as I was when I was pretending I wasn't in love. That's ridiculous.

Edited 2025-04-21 01:17 (UTC)

On the Doctor? They're friends, and I know Fitz thinks he's interesting. But he doesn't have much faith in him.

That's why I mentioned his mother [the flashback to her death had just been an unfortunate side effect of stirring up old memories]. After growing up like that, I don't think Fitz knows how to believe in people.

Perhaps when you knew him...he was barely even putting in effort to pretend he's fine for months after he lost the doctor again.

We...we were on different ships. Kidnapped by...space pirates actually. [Kind of fucking weird to say outloud.]

Do you know who Anri is?

He usually doesn't put in that much effort in general. Not when I knew him.

[An alien abduction inside an alien abduction, that happens all the time.]

The Doctor would get caught up in something like that. [She shakes her head.] Never heard of them.

Oh...well, I think he does now, at least a little. For a while there he wasn't even getting out of bed. He only just started playing the guitar again recently that I've notice.

[Anri was definitely after, though he had been curious if they'd crossed paths at all. Any overlap. He doesn't even ask about compassion, but perhaps he should.]

She was probably traveling with them after you left...I don't have the whole story, just bits that Fitz tells me and sometimes I have to wonder how much of it that I'd find important he leaves out...

Oh, he used to try to hide when he was like that.

[Perhaps it's progress that it's noticeable? She had seen Fitz doing his best not to let anyone catch sight of his grief over his mother.

Sam has met Compassion, though it would be strange to think of her as one of the Doctor's companions.]

Fitz likes to pick and chose how he tells stories. It does make for better stories [to be fair to Fitz], but it can make is hard to tell which parts were important for him.

He's hid from me when he was mad at me? [Which honestly he felt a little bad about since he does, on the very rare occasion actually look at the location of Fitz but generally feels it's a violation of his privacy.

Mostly just in the case of a disaster so he can regroup.]

The closest I think I've gotten to get him talking about what was wrong was when he told me I would never understand even if he did, never mind that it wasn't the main point of asking, but- [He sighs.]

Fitz's stories might include him, but mostly the idea of him and nothing else.

Edited 2025-04-21 22:15 (UTC)

He doesn't want you to understand what's wrong, because it might make you feel bad but not in the way he aims for when complaining. [Based on her experiences with trying to get Fitz to talk about what's wrong.]

I'm not sure if it's on purpose or if Fitz just wouldn't be able to stand actually including himself. [She thinks it's the second, because Fitz has a lot of problems and it doesn't really sound like he's gotten over them.]

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