inthebiblicalsense | TLV IC Inbox

Hearing it in Russian takes him off guard and he laughs slightly, turning his head so he can look up at Ethan under his eyelashes.

"How long have you been saving that one?"

The pronunciation was only a little off... but like hell he's going to say anything about it now. The fact he said it at all, that he must have learned it just so he could say it in this situation, is more than enough to make him all warm and fuzzy.

It was one of those things that he'd been curious about, before he'd even started to learn from Pyotr, or learn himself. And as Cain looks up at him through his dark lashes, he can feel his face heating up, the tips of his ears getting pink.

"S-since August?" He hadn't intended on telling him the actual truth, but he remembers the first time he knew he was truly in trouble when it came to the other man, the second time they'd slept together on board, and all that resolve had just fallen apart. It was days after he'd arrived, and god is it embarrassing to admit, but they were being honest, right?

There's a pause, then he snorts.

"August... Wow."

So he'd been holding on to this, or at least the possibility of it, for that long? Alexei's not sure how to feel about that but again, it isn't something he really wants to think too hard about just now. There's a lot he doesn't really want to think too hard about now.

"That's cute."

That'll do for a reaction for the moment.

"... I guess I've been trying to figure this out for a while, as well. Every time I got close to it I just..."

He makes a gesture. Ethan's well aware of what happens when he starts pushing himself too hard to think about things he's not ready to face.

"H-hey...don't laugh." He doesn't prod him though, leaning them both back so he can stare up at the ceiling, run his nails up and down Cain's arm.

"And...I figured If I waited long enough you'd say something. I just didn't want to until you did. No...no rush."

He's not sure how he feels about the fact that Abel was waiting. Cain closes his eyes and takes a few breaths, still trying to shake off that feeling that his insides are about to rattle apart, and he curls his fingers into the soft fabric of the bedsheets for something to focus on.

"Hm," is all he says to that, in the end.

"I'm fucking exhausted."

Nearly having another panic attack can sure do that to a guy.

"I figured you would be." He knows what that feels like now himself, and it was physically draining.

"Well, were in your bed, I'm not going to stop you from taking a nap." He glances down at him again with a little smile, squeezing his arm, "you want me to tuck you in Alexei?"

"I'm not five."

So, no, but what he will do is roll over so he can wrap himself around Ethan like the man is a body pillow, and shove his face firmly against the other man's neck.

"You can stay here, though."

Abel bites back a laugh, pretty sure that was the sort of response he was going to get, but doesn't protest when he's suddenly a pillow, "can I? I think I'd have a hard time leaving anyways."

Though that might be for more reasons than being wrapped up in his arms.

"I would protest loudly if you tried to," Cain grumbles against his shoulder, softly gripping against his shirt and curling into him comfortably.

"But I don't think I can fall asleep yet, so you can ask me some of those things you always want me to talk about if you want."

You know, like how was his day, who has he been hanging out with... the stuff he's always forgetting to mention.

"I thought you said you weren't five?" He returns though let's him adjust as he wants, he is just a pillow at the moment after all.

Rubbing his face to get rid of the last of his tears, he makes note that he's going to need to wash it later, but that's later.

"I guess I'll use my allotted time wisely. Aside from Blitz and Florian, have any other good friends? Anyone I should be aware of that might ask me invasive questions about what my intentions are, or is that just Blitz?"

Cain gives a little snort.

"I think that's just Blitz, because he's an asshole."

But a well-meaning one, Cain thinks, who is just very protective of the people that he cares about even if he'd have a hard time admitting that he cares.

"Friends though... mmn." Still a curious think to think about. "Blitz, Florian... Aerith, Lester, Jacob, John, Tendi, Husk, Gale..." He starts marking them off on his fingers without realising, tapping his fingertips against Abel's chest. "There's a few others I'm still getting to know."

"I like John...he's very sweet." Adds, just so he doesn't smile too much at the growing list. It's good to know, all these people he can hopefully rely on to help keep him safe if something happens.

"I think I'm starting to get Blitz a little more...he's just a bit much. I think I get why you like him though." Though bringing up Jacob...brings him to his next point.

"I wanted to ask...would you mind if I told Jacob details about about what happened? He's...stuck I think...and I wonder if it would help."

"Yeah, he is."

Still keeping the fact he stabbed the guy once entirely to himself thank you very much. He does smirk slightly when Blitz's name comes up - just why he likes the imp seems to have mystified Abel for a while, so hearing that just why that might be is starting to become clearer is... nice.

But then Cain goes quite still for a moment, before he pushes himself up on his elbow and looks down at Abel's face with a small frown.

"... What do you mean?"

"Oh...you don't have to get up," Abel shifts himself, sitting up a little, looking up at him. "We can talk about it later, just...the more he tells me about his life, and what happened, I think he believes he has no other purpose than dying in service."

He can understand that, because that's what he'd been prepared to do until he'd found out about the project.

"I...I used to think that way, before everything fell apart, but It isn't just my story now. It's ours. But I won't if you don't want me to."

It isn't as if he's not told bits and pieces of what happened to people to try and explain how he reacts to certain things, but what Abel is saying feels... different.

"Well, what..."

Why does it feel weird?

He tries to settle back down, resting his head against Abel's shoulder again and holding him in close.

"... What would you tell him?"

When Cain settles back down, Abel shifts a little, an arm around him, hand running gentle through his hair. "Just, what happened I suppose...I won't go too into detail with what you did, but I can't tell it without you in it, because it would be obvious I'm leaving things out."

He turns so that he can catch Cain's eye, "But I won't, if you don't want me to. Talk to me, what are you thinking about? Jacob's history is...well. I don't think anything you've done would turn him away from you if you were worried about it."

He gives an abrupt, sharp snort.

"I don't give a shit about that."

And that's a lie, but it's a lie he needs to tell himself because he knows the Barge has a way of bringing things out whether you want them to be seen or not, that eventually it will happen to him, and he needs to not care about it so he doesn't think about it.

"I just—..." A shrug. "Don't see how what happened with us is gonna do anything for him."

He frowns against Abel's shoulder, curling his fingers into the other man's shirt.

"But tell him what you want."

Abel does his best to hide his immediate doubt at Cain's jerk reaction. While he agrees that happened between them is no ones business, there are similar beats to their story that tie in with Jacob.

"I just want to tell him a story about devotion that doesn't end in sacrifice." Because he feels like he needs to hear it. There are far better things to do with your life than die. Abel tucks his chin on top of Cain's head, pulling him a little closer.

"Especially after all he's helped me with. And don't tell him I said that, he's a gruff asshole, and I don't want it to go to his head."

He still doesn't see the use of it, and one of the bigger things that he's been entirely avoiding confronting - even admitting to the possibility of - creeps up dark and cold in the back of his mind as he listens to Abel talking.

A story that doesn't end in sacrifice, huh? Is he sure about that?

"Mmn."

Sure, he won't say a word.

"... Tell him what you want," he repeats, a little more quietly. "I don't care."

Abel is quiet a moment, staring down at Cain and his sudden grumpiness. Well, he's been through a lot of emotional ups and downs, he supposes he can leave it for later, but he hadn't really wanted him to fall asleep upset.

"Alexei, you don't have to tell me what's wrong, but you don't sound all that convincing. Can...Can I do anything?"

"I'm--!"

He almost snaps, that single syllable clearly conveying irritation, but then he breathes in and out and shakes his head, and pushes himself up on to his elbow again to bump his forehead softly to Abel's.

"It's not you. I'm just..."

A sigh.

"I know what I did, all right? And I know how much it fucked with you. I will never forget the way you looked at me when you confronted me about it and I told you you were right. And it just... feels weird to have all of it used like some kind of fucking therapy tool for someone else."

Abel keeps his mouth shut to listen, so he can focus on what the other man has to say, and when he's done, he can understand how that would feel a little off. He can't forget the way Alexei looked either, the way he'd practically begged him to listen and he'd refused. It was...a rather dark spot.

"Alexei, if you think I'm going to bring up your involvement to that kind of detail, I'm going to say right now that I'm not. That's personal, and that kind of...that kind of pain, it doesn't help anyone. I only asked because I can't just talk about Project Thebes in any further detail without it involving you. I wasn't- I'm not going to just share with him all the things you did. That isn't the reason I asked permission. He knows who you are to me, so when I explain that the navigators were selected without any knowledge of the project, but the fighters were informed, that's all I meant."

"Mmn..."

Cain hums softly, nudging his head against Abel's again, then he huffs gently and opens his eyes to look at him. Maybe he overreacted. But... in his defence, the situation wasn't explained to him in a way that wouldn't lead him to jumping to conclusions.

"... Okay." He gives the other man a quick, soft kiss. "I trust you."

With their noses practically touching, Abel gets a good look into the other man's eyes, looking into them to try and catch anything else he might have been quietly keeping to himself, his hands smoothing over his chest, very gently pressing him back so that he can lay back down again.

"I hope you would...I've never done anything to hurt you," he gently reminds him, even when he'd been angry at him, it wasn't like he was yelling at him out of spite. He gives him a gentle kiss of his own, patting his chest reassuringly "Now, you. You're taking a nap, you look tired."

Not entirely true, yet not enough for him to mention anything. He frowns a little at the way it almost feels like a jab despite knowing that probably isn't how it was meant.

Then he grunts, flopping back down under the light pressure of Abel's hand.

"Anything you need to say, even if it involves me, it's fine," he says, sounding a bit more sure of it this time. "I know you'll... be careful with it."

Then he will settle and shut his eyes, because he very much needs that nap.

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