inthebiblicalsense | TLV IC Inbox

[When Abel gets the text, he frowns, pretty sure he's missed something. Setting aside the text book he'd been reading and settling back in his chair in his usual spot in the gym, he shoots a message back.]

I don't like answering for him, but I think perhaps I missed something.

What happened? [And while he waits for a text back, he'll find that of course, Alexei had just posted something to the network, and of course, Malcolm had responded to it. There is something say for his persistence, but...sigh. It's rather difficult to change his mind once he's been rubbed the wrong way, in his experience.]

If you don’t know, then nevermind. It’s just stupid.

I just read what happened, and I suppose I have to ask why you can't accept what he said at face value?

If you asked someone to leave you alone, and every time you did something, there they were, do you feel like that's respectful, doing the exact opposite of what you asked them to do?

[He’s not sure why he thought there was clarity to be had here on what has seemed to be completely disproportionate vitriol from the start, but maybe - more than backing up his lover, because what else would anyone do - maybe he’s right. It doesn’t matter and there’s no amount of good will in the universe that can change anything about it. Abel is the centre of the venn diagram; the one in both circles being pulled in two directions. If he’s happy, Malcolm’s fine. He doesn’t need to understand everything. Well, okay, he does, of course, but he can let it go this time. He got, he supposes, a bit carried away after talking to Justine went reasonably well.]

Nope. You’re right. Good night.

Malcolm...are you okay? I'm not trying to dismiss you, I hope you know that.

There is a lot of tiptoeing Alexei and I do around each other, because there's are feelings, hurt ones that are tangled up in everything even before you add the positions we're in. Before I could confirm it by asking him directly, it felt like a betrayal to talk much about him, and I am telling you that if I decipher it all for you piece by piece now, it still wouldn't help.

He might trust me, but that isn't infallible. If you suddenly knew exactly what was wrong, he'd get suspicious that someone tipped you off and I don't want him becoming paranoid. I'm sorry, that probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but believe me when I say, if I knew I could fix it, I would.

I don’t even care about fixing it; I just want it to make sense. I don’t know what it’s about. That’s what I’ve been trying to glean. It’s not why I’m not okay; that’s unrelated.

Alright, well is there something else you'd like to talk about? If it's about what happened with Justine, I would understand.

I'm still angry, and I should talk to her, but I have to let her be or else I'll say something I shouldn't.

Maybe you should. Say it, I mean. Maybe she’s been shielded from consequences and condemnation for her entire life and that’s why she acts with complete impunity and hearing the things people ‘shouldn’t’ say is what she actually needs.

If I didn't have to worry about Fitz, I would, but I need some kind of functional relationship with her, we work together in a sense. It's...that line again, Malcolm.

I can recognize that consequence would be good for her in the long run, but she doesn't need to see it from me. It would just cause more problems. But, what would you say to her, then?

I said it to Jedao. Then he told me never to speak to her again. He let Will go talk to her, as long as he told me that I shouldn't ever. Will doesn't necessarily believe in that sort of restraint, but he told me that Jedao said it.

But I guess I got it out of my system because I ran into her in the gazebo and.... I did ask her about it. But I didn't call her a balloon animal or slap her face.

[Abel is noticing a pattern of people telling Malcolm to leave someone alone, and he does it anyways. Now isn't the time to point that out though.]

Well, you had more restraint than I would in that situation. I have a few things I'd like to call her, and balloon animal certainly isn't one of them.

[It's a closed community; he didn't seek her out. They were both just using the same facility at the same time. A weird late night time to specifically avoid all other people and it didn't quite work out that way.]

That isn't the only thing I called her. But when I talked to her, I tried to hear her out, just.... to know. I wanted to know. I always want to understand why things with people are the way they are, in the end. Not understanding why someone... anyway. It's like an unscratchable itch in my brain. If Cain said "you were wearing a blue shirt when we met and that made me think of my CO so I can't look at you or hear you ever, leave me alone," I'd be like... very well. Have a nice life. Trauma response. I get it. But it's just nothing. "I can't stand you because of stuff you did after I already decided I couldn't stand you". Okay; that doesn't actually make logical sense. So. Justine. I don't want her to come within ten feet of Will still, but she knows why and I understand what she was doing, even if I don't agree with it. So it's kind of... over. I can file it away. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but that's what my problem is.

[Abel sighs, frowning at the comm before he decides in that context, maybe it would be better to share something.]

Well for one, emotions aren't logical, and I know that Alexei doesn't think like that, solely logically. But my understanding is, you approached him when he had already decided he was unsafe, followed him after he asked you to leave him alone, and among other things that happened, solidified the fact in his head that you don't listen and are too familiar to quickly, so he just wrote you off as a loss.

My take might not be a hundred percent accurate, but he holds grudges, he doesn't change his mind easily, and he doesn't waste any time on people he isn't fond of. You're experiencing all of the negative parts of his personality because you managed to do things that triggered each one. And then, following that you kept doing it, every time you interacted with him, it was like pressing the buttons you pushed with the first encounter all over again, each time with less effort until that's what you're associated with. Pressing a button without doing much at all.

Does that make more sense? He doesn't dislike you for no reason.

Does it seem reasonable or fair that being socially awkward and bad at social cues is a write off offense that there's no way back from and warrants extreme vitriol? It's a closed community. I was avoiding Justine and we randomly ended up at neighboring tables. We're going to cross paths whether I want to or not. It'll happen.

Some people are like that, and not everyone will like you. I can't fix it, you can't fix it. We were previously on a ship with no way off with the same people, his behavior between here and there in this respect hasn't changed. He'll ignore you if you let him though, Malcolm.

I'm not saying that it's entirely right, but I'm not saying he's entirely in the wrong either for wanting to not interact with you.

But the sharpness comes from prodding, and if you don't prod he's not going to come looking for you to yell at. He set a boundary, you continually stepped over it by trying to interact when him when he didn't want you to. Being bad at social cues is one thing, but when someone tells you in plain english to leave them alone multiple times, you can't blame it on that any more. You messaged him, that isn't randomly showing up in the same place, that's you consciously reaching out to him when he asked you not to.

Lots of people say that at first, is the thing. And I always get told they just got here, they're jumpy or grumpy, they're just lashing out, just be patient. Give it another chance. So that's what I did in this case. I didn't text his device directly and personally; I responded to public posts he directed at literally everyone and not even all of them like you two have both alleged. Just the ones that seemed interesting. Because if he was presenting something interesting, we could break the ice by talking about a shared interest. But I get it, okay? He's not grumpy/skittish/lashing out. He just means it. So I'll leave him alone.

Everyone is different. And maybe he will come around at some point, but the messaging probably feels more intentional than seeing him in the hall and saying hello.

And I didn't say it was every time, I pay attention to the network, though I usually don't interact with it much. I think your efforts are better put towards someone else, though I do appreciate you trying to connect with him, it isn't what he wants, and I can't do anything to change his mind.

That's fine. It is what it is.

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