TLV IC Inbox

[inthebiblicalsense]

[In a very serious, business tone, Abel's answering machine sounds after any attempted calls that aren't responded to right away.]

You've reached Abel. I am not available at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If this is urgent, leave the line open.

And if this is Fitz I hope you're having a good day.

Comments

[inthebiblicalsense]

"I wasn't trying to. I just- you deserve to be cared for, including by yourself, and you're neglecting him." He returns quietly, giving his shoulder a squeeze.

"And I said there are more options, it doesn't have to be
therapy. I'm sure that isnt all there is."

[reargunner]

"Hmm."

He is tired, and it's still work to convince his head that he's not actually in any danger, but this is helping.

"Options seem pretty limited outside of that, from where I'm standing."

What else is there, realistically speaking?

[inthebiblicalsense]

"I'm not the professional. Just because you don't want to talk to Dr. Sheehan as a patient, that doesn't mean you can't ask him about options. I'm sure he has a few others outside of therapy, and that's letting your friend help you without asking too much of him." He returns softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

[reargunner]

Siiiigh...

"I told you I tried talking to him not 'as a patient' before, yeah? It... felt weird. I didn't like it."

And he doesn't really expect that Ethan is going to understand his position on that or why he's reluctant to take that particular step. Still, at least he's not shutting down and dismissing the whole thing.

"I can't do what you do."

[inthebiblicalsense]

"Maybe not, but...I can ask for myself and tell you what he says?" If he can't, then Abel can.

"Fitz actually asked me if I'd ever considered medication for my anxiety and...I was a little put off by the idea, but I have been thinking about it. If he has other options aside from meds I'd like to know anyways, so it wouldnt be weird if I brought it up."

[reargunner]

"Mmf."

Alexei bumps his head lightly against Ethan's shoulder. He's frustrated with the whole thing and it shows.

"I don't-- Augh."

He sits up, curling one arm around a bent knee and scrubbing his hand against his face.

"I fucking hate this."

[inthebiblicalsense]

He sits up a little more, resting on his elbows and watches him struggle, unsure what he can really do to help.

"I'm sorry...I know it- it sucks, and it feels terrible. We don't have to talk about it. I...just want to help."

[reargunner]

He rubs his face again, his hand lingering in front of his mouth. As difficult as it is for Ethan to see, it's sure as hell not easy for him to process either.

"It's not... This isn't me trying to push you away. That's not what it is."

[inthebiblicalsense]

He watches him a moment, taking in his face, the way his shoulders are still tense. "I wasn't apologizing for that. You don't feel well. I was just saying we could come up with potential solutions later. It doesn't have to be now."

He could think of a hundred different things they could do to try and take his mind off it, but Alexei still looks exhausted. "Come back to me?" Not that he's far away, but he'd gotten up and he had felt him trying to relax under his fingers. He wanted to try again if he'd let him.

[reargunner]

There's a moment where he does stay sitting up, then he exhales slowly and closes his eyes, muttering a soft 'yeah, yeah, okay' as he drops himself down against Ethan's side again.

He settles there, shuffling a bit to get comfortable, and presses his forehead against the other man's neck.

"... Arthur made tea," he mutters, placing the palm of his hand over Ethan's heart. "It was nice."

[inthebiblicalsense]

He let's him get comfortable, gently rubbing at his back and shoulders when he's sorted. He puts his other hand over top Alexeis, running his thumb in gentle circles over his knuckles.

"I haven't really talked with Arthur, perhaps I should. And If you'd like more tea I can get up and make you some? I'm sure I've got decaf somewhere..."

[reargunner]

"Eugh—"

He shifts, moving so he can peer up at Ethan's face under his eyelashes.

"Decaf tea is disgusting and if you ever give it to me I'm throwing it down the drain."

Ethan, please.

[inthebiblicalsense]

Abel rolls his eyes, catching the other man's chin to tip his head up just that much more, "you are ridiculous."

He tips his head just so, kissing his nose with a smile, "but I wouldn't have you any other way."

[reargunner]

"Hmph..."

His eyelids dip a little when his nose is kissed, then he studies Ethan's face for a few quiet moments.

"You mean that?"

[inthebiblicalsense]

"You know I can't lie worth a damn." Even if he tried it would be even harder to do straight to his face.

"Of course I mean it. Like I said, you're ridiculous, and I love you." He considers the revelation he'd made with Sheehan, but keeps it to himself. He can tell Alexei he made the struggle worth something invaluable to him another day when he isn't so tired and worn.

[reargunner]

Despite what Ethan says, Alexei does look at him for some moments more as if he's searching for a lie. It's not a comment on Ethan's own thoughts so much as his thoughts about himself and where he stands in the other man's life.

One of a laundry list of things that has been on his mind of late.

"... Hmn."

Seemingly accepting it, he sets his head back against Ethan's shoulder.

"I still wish we could... start over, sometimes. You know?"

[inthebiblicalsense]

Ethan hums softly to himself at the thought, absently running his fingers through Alexei's hair.

"We could pretend we don't know each other in port and flirt like strangers in a bar?" It's more of a joke, but he doesn't think it wouldn't be fun. It probably would be.

"But...I understand. There's a lot here. It would be nice...wipe the slate clean. Except if we did, I'd forget things...like the first time I heard you laugh, or- or you throwing pillows at me for typing when I was complaining at you for chain smoking with the vent shut." He huffs a soft laugh, "the important stuff."

[reargunner]

"Why wait for a port? We can do that here."

They have a bar, after all.

He relaxes slowly under the sensation of Ethan's fingers running through his hair. It's nice. The tension drops out of his shoulders and his breathing levels.

"I used to wake up before you on purpose," Alexei says then. "Not just because I was starting to... I dunno. Feel things that I was avoiding. But... it meant I could watch you for a bit, without worrying about what you'd think if you noticed."

[inthebiblicalsense]

He might be blushing at the suggestion of openly flirting in the lounge. "If it was in port then Fitz couldn't as easily tease me for my bad role playing skills. Hard to pretend to be strangers when you know everyone in the bar."

He has to laugh at the confession, not to make fun, but- "I would wait until I knew you were sleeping and stay up...do the same thing. You look so sweet in your sleep..."

[reargunner]

"You mean I don't look like an asshole."

He trips his fingers along Ethan's ribs and digs them in gently to tickle him.

"I see how it is."

[inthebiblicalsense]

"H-hey! I didn't say that!" He snorts, trying not to wiggle too much or else he'll disturb his sweet boy.

"If I did, I'd say you were a hot asshole any way. That's very important."

[reargunner]

"Pft..."

He shifts to prop himself up again, though not out of aggravation this time. This time he just wants to look Ethan in the face while he asks—

"What else?"

[inthebiblicalsense]

Ethan blinks at him, a little surprised. He never thought of himself as a very romantic man even if he did have some rather elaborate wedding fantasies that he probably would hate for his own life but we're fun to dream about.

He stares back at Alexei like a deer in headlights before he starts talking. "W-what else? I...I mean you're smart as hell, and you're very loyal. I don't think I've ever believed in myself half as much as you believe in me...u-um." He hesitates a moment, stumbling before-

"And your nose. When it scrunches up sometimes...it's very cute. I look for it every time, It makes me smile."

[reargunner]

He doesn't expect much. Just more than 'hot' when 'hot' doesn't really mean that much in the grand scheme. Ethan's fumbling attempt to answer does make him laugh though.

And his nose does that scrunching thing that he likes.

"You're so bad at this. It's adorable."

[inthebiblicalsense]

"You're not supposed to laugh, I was really trying!" He protests, face bright red as he's half tempted to hit him with a pillow.

Except his nose is doing that thing and he instead rolls his eyes, "You're such a brat sometimes, you know that?"