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[inthebiblicalsense]

[In a very serious, business tone, Abel's answering machine sounds after any attempted calls that aren't responded to right away.]

You've reached Abel. I am not available at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. If this is urgent, leave the line open.

And if this is Fitz I hope you're having a good day.

Comments

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel's listening, his eyebrows slowly inching up. He's not about to react negatively, though there might be some...frustration sitting there right at the surface.]

I was under the impression that there was a better way to say that. [Or at least that's what he'd been told, but he doesn't sound upset, just a little surprised and trying to cut some tension with a tease.]

Who is it? I assume I at least know them, though I've been surprised before.

[reargunner]

[He decides to not react to the attempt at levity. Alexei doesn't feel particularly tense - he got all that out about an hour ago - but he's not going to just treat this like something he can just gloss over either.]

Given how many people you know I expect it'd be more of a surprise to me if you didn't.

[But. Sigh.]

Florian. It's Florian.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[There is the subtlest shift in his grip on that pillow when he says who it is.]

Well, he obviously cares about your well being, so I can't say I'm all that surprised. Are...you going to tell him?

[reargunner]

[A soft snort.]

He knows. He— I tried to break it off with him, rather than telling him at all.

[And then panicked the moment he saw him. Like an idiot.]

Made a fucking tit of myself. [Shrug.] Thinking I could just walk away from it was fucking stupid.

[Though, under different circumstances, he certainly would have.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

Oh.

[Abel is kind of thankful he grabbed this stupid pillow. He rests his chin on it, trying his best not to break eye contact.] What did he say, then?

[Which is a better question than 'you didn't think to talk to me first?' He's trying his best to not make him feel like he's not supportive, but there definitely are some feelings starting to rear their head over how this went down and how he'd approached this himself.]

[reargunner]

... That he loves me too. That I knew before I even asked.

[He exhales slowly, leaning back a little where he's perched.]

He was right.

[And it still feels strange in a way he isn't sure he likes, and he still has to think it over some more, but the idea of trying to push Florian away from him feels so stupid now.]

I just didn't want to look at it.

[inthebiblicalsense]

Mmm.

[He can understand that, at least a little. Except he still hadn't gotten a real confirmation from Norton, and he's trying to be patient about bringing it up again.]

You know, I tried to do that when I first realized that I was in real danger of catching feelings. I didn't say anything aside from no when he'd ask, but... just being friends only made it worse and made me feel angry with myself. It's probably better that you didn't try that route, I wouldn't recommend it.

[reargunner]

[A shrug.]

I could have handled it.

[If they'd been keeping this a closed thing. But that got changed, and that gave him options. Ones he hadn't realised he wanted to take until he did.]

Doesn't matter though. I don't have to. Still feels weird to accept it, but it's good.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He's quiet a moment, pulling at a loose thread on the pillow before he looks at Alexei again, mulling over his own thoughts.]

So, what are you doing with that? Or have you not gotten to that yet? I have to assume he's not bothered by me, or at least I hope he wouldn't be... Anything I should know about?

[reargunner]

Doing with it?

[He cocks his head slightly.]

No, he doesn't have a problem with you. It'd be a different story if he did.

[And he can't think of anything Abel really needs to know, save for the main point of why he asked him here to begin with.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

Like, are you adding some kind of official label, keeping it the same as before?

[And Abel does have his own issues with Florian, though he's sure he can get over them. They just feel compounded now that he's a bigger part of Alexei's life. But it's fine. It's mostly his own issues and he's sure it will be okay, working through that himself.]

[reargunner]

We didn't talk about it. Anyway, he's got Johann, this is just... for now, and that's okay. I don't need anything more than that.

[It's just nice knowing, and the relationship isn't any less real for not having a label stuck to it.

And he still seems so calm, talking about it. Like his entire view of something didn't get turned on its head.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel nods, accepting that. He doesn't know much about Johann, they'd only shared the boat for a short time before he'd left. He'd been much less receptive to weird, magical beings anyways, so it probably wouldn't have been great for either of them if he had.]

A-alright. Well...thank you? For telling me.

I doubt I'd come off as intimidating to a man like that, but I do hope you won't mind me taking up the tradition of a gentle warning against harming you?

[reargunner]

[Alexei blinks, raising one eyebrow slightly.]

I'm not gonna tell you that you can't.

[But aside from not finding Abel intimidating in the slightest, he doesn't think Florian will find any amusement in the 'threat' either.]

But I'm sure he wouldn't do a thing to cause me harm. Entirely sure.

[inthebiblicalsense]

That's what I thought of myself and you. Entirely sure that I wouldn't, made it a priority not to in my own way, and yet here we are. I'm not saying I expect he will, I trust him to take care with you, but I would feel odd if I didn't at least say something.

[And he isn't looking to threaten him, no. Perhaps tell him that Alexei can certainly take care of himself, but there was something that he felt Florian should know about himself in the event that something does happen, even accidental if he were to witness it.]

[reargunner]

['Here we are', he says, and Alexei's eyes flick away while he makes a small face. Yeah, here they are, but he knew how things would be with Florian going in.]

Whatever you feel you gotta do.

[He's sure he'll hear about it, one way or another.]

Like I said, I'm not going to try to stop you.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel is quiet a moment, considering before a few different pieces come into place that he'd not given much attention to.

He'd given himself a nonactive role in this conversation because he felt like that was what was required of him, to prove to Alexei that it was fine, and yet? He doesn't want to continue to have these misunderstandings and sit on things like he has been. He needs to be better about communication. He does. They both do. He takes in a deep breath, holds that pillow and looks across at Alexei.]

Can I- I'm not upset about Florian, I want to be clear on that, but I realize I'm trying to bully myself into being more fine with this conversation than I actually am... and not saying something is a disservice to both of us in trying to be better at communication.

[reargunner]

[And there it is.

He should have known Abel seemed way too fine about everything he was saying. Still, Alexei is determined that he is not going to make a repeat of the first time, if only because he's entirely exhausted of stretching his emotional capacity to its absolute limit while having no control over the situations he's being put into.]

All right.

[Still pointedly calm, he makes a small gesture for the other man to continue.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[That pointed calm feels strange, and perhaps it's just a departure from how things used to be but it's making him frustrated in a way he knows it shouldn't.

He's not going to get worked up, he's calm, this is fine.]

When we talked about this last time, I said let me know if things changed, and you did...but- [He frowns, staring into his lap.]

I was very clear that I didn't say anything to Norton until I talked to you about it, because It felt disrespectful. And I know I fucked all of that up, but we've been through this, I acknowledged my mistakes, I apologized for them and I've been trying to fix what I broke.

So when you start this conversation and...essentially do the same thing, but also don't even let me know before Florian does, that feels...deliberate, intentional and m-maybe it's because of how I've felt in the past, like I'm always the last to know, but...I don't like that. It feels isolating, or like I'm an after thought.

And I understand that probably wasn't your intention, but that's how it feels all the same.

[reargunner]

[He takes a moment. Presses down the immediate annoyance that bubbles up with the suspicion that Abel had not been listening beyond what he needed to hear to get his own feelings bruised.

There's a soft breath, in, then out.]

I told you that I was going to break things off with him. Even if that isn't how things went, why would I come to you first to talk about that when you would have told me not to, and that would have been the last thing I wanted to hear.

[He's not looking at Abel directly, rather focusing on something on the other side of the room.]

I spoke to him an hour ago and then came straight here. No middle men, no taking my time to figure out how I was gonna say it. Things changed in a way I didn't expect them to and I told you, immediately. Thinking I'd do it this way because I was deliberately trying to get back at you is— [His voice goes a little tense. He forces it back.]

That isn't fair.

[inthebiblicalsense]

I never said it was entirely rational, how I'm feeling. And I don't- [His frown pulls down even more as he tries to work through what he wants to say.]

I'm not accusing you, I'm not asking for you to defend yourself, I just...didn't want these feelings to fester. And while I appreciate the explanation, it doesn't change how I'm feeling?

I am dealing with who you were before, and who you are now, and there are some left overs hanging around that I haven't healed yet. But leaving it unsaid, letting you feel like everything is fine and swallowing it? That's what isn't fair.

I don't want to continue to tell myself I have to walk on eggshells around you, because I don't have to do that. I can be honest, and so can you and it doesn't have to be whose assigning guilt or blame, it's just...open communication, checking in...

I told you because I trust you. Not because I wanted to hurt you or that I needed an apology.

[reargunner]

[There's so much he could say here that he doesn't, that he decides to bite his tongue on, because it wouldn't be helpful here and would only cause the very fight he's determinedly avoiding. He will not do that right now.

He might have to actually thank Wu Xin for those meditation tips. Damn it.]

Okay then.

[And he nods, eases the tension out of his shoulders, and unclenches the hands he didn't realise he'd curled into fists against his thighs.]

I get it. I'm not angry or anything.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[There is some lingering thoughts, he caught that talking to Florian was more helpful than going to him about it, but he understands that. He doesn't have to question that different people give you different things and that's fine.

He does see that Alexei seems to be holding himself back, can see the tension bleed from him.]

No, but you're still tense. Is it because you were feeling the need to defend yourself or was it something I said?

[reargunner]

Both.

[The word comes out easily enough with the last tension leaving as he drops his shoulders and tips his head back a little.]

The last month has been a fucking shitshow, Ethan. If this ended up with us fighting too I was gonna fucking snap.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[It hasn't been a good time, he knows that. He's still not himself either and trying to come up with strategies, worried he's going to make some other mistake because he can't find a way out that doesn't end in failure.]

Well, I don't want to fight you. I love you, and I'm rather tired myself. But if you have things to say, I want you to say them. If not to me then to someone.